Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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