I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
