Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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