hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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