The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
