what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my shit smells like andre
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
