: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
