SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
