I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
