nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
