hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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