Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
