Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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