i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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