Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
