just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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