Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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