No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
