____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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