$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This show inspires me to have sex in space
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
