Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
