I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
