he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
