She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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