I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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