I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
