I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
