I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
