Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
