So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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