Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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