The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dicks are not precious.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
