you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
