Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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