We're facebook friends in real life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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