Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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