11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
