Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
