I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
