Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
