So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
