Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sober January is a disaster.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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