Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A+ Viking dick
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