I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
