she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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