dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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