Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This house was built for laser tag.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
