My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
