I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
