Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
