Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
