Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
