Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
