I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
