If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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