I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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