tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
