Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
