I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
