If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize