On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
