my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
