Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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