it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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