Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
