I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
