No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
