o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
