She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize