o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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