Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
