do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
