So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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