you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
