It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
