So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
