Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
