Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
