He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
