I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
