How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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