No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
