Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
