just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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